Sweet Relief

9 April, 2008

45 Minutes
2 chairs
3 lights
2 Q-tips
2 pair tweezers
1 pair nail clippers
1 razor (for desperation, unused)
1 dab bacitracin ointment
1 fabric band-aid

all for 1 tiny sliver of wood

that I just removed from the sole of my foot.

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14 Responses to “Sweet Relief”

  1. Lefty said

    I can only imagine that there was also some subplot involving Moss and a hugely embarrassing problem with the e-mail server. You should’ve called 0118 999 881 999 119 725 3.

  2. mdhatter said

    I know you didn’t even look that up.

  3. Snag said

    A large hacksaw would have also worked.

  4. mdhatter said

    I was nearly there, Snag. Nearly there.

  5. Kathleen said

    doh. Sorry – I’ve been there before. It usually ends up with me convincing myself that I have Parkinson’s and having to be talking down.

  6. Kathleen said

    “talked down”

  7. Lefty said

    If you don’t stop talking down to me, I’m going to hacksaw my foot off!

  8. mdhatter said

    I’ll bet you don’t even know how to use a hacksaw.

  9. I won’t even mention the time I stepped on a 1 1/2″ nail on a jobsite, driving it completely through my shoe and into the ball of my foot, effectively nailing my shoe on!

    I had to sit down on the sidewalk and PULL THE NAIL OUT OF MY FOOT MYSELF…

    …but I won’t mention that.

    Felt weird though.

  10. fish said

    Is it true that he actually nailed your head to the table?

  11. Well he did do that, yeah. He was a hard man. Vicious but fair

    Well he had to, didn’t he? I mean there was nothing else he could do, be fair. I had transgressed the unwritten law.

    ….after that I used to go round his flat every Sunday lunchtime to apologise and we’d shake hands and then he’d nail my head to the floor. Once, one Sunday I told him my parents were coming round to tea and would he mind very much not nailing my head that week and he agreed and just screwed my pelvis to a cake stand.

  12. Ouch. I hate when that happens. That’s why you have to buy plastic.

  13. Jennifer said

    I think Snag would have just gnawed his foot off, to hell with the hacksaw.

  14. Lefty said

    Ah, the proverbial “coyote ten”.

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